Closed Doors Pg.6

I pretended not to call him today. I let the phone ring out and drunk called as if it were a mistake from my phone. But then I thought what if he demands that I lose his number? What if ... I then think to myself at least he'll call me back. I don't know what I want anymore. I picked back up smoking again. After four years of not touching a cancer stick i just, he just gave me a reason to pick it back up. At least there's something my lips get to be on at night. There it is; an equal relationship. I want the cigarette and the cigarette wants me. I enjoy the way it calms my thoughts. It enjoys the way I'm pulling on it with tight lips, holding in its presence within my mouth and blowing...... out the smoke, of course. The air is still on this cold winter night. Light snow everywhere, making everything look so pretty. It's so beautiful and clear. But here I am wondering what my ex is doing with his wife. Wife. He had to impregnate her then throw salt and marry her. Bitch.