Closed Doors Pg.4

At home, making peppermint tea, to calm my nervous habits. Hot water's filling the tub in the pumpkin pie scented bathroom just for me, for one. He didn't come home last night. Said he was busy and that he had to work late. I wish he had said something before I cooked that shrimp dinner he likes. He's flying in from Washington tomorrow night. How could one meeting take three days? At least he Skypes me on his lunch break. As a writer working from home it can get kinda lonely. There's no sun outside to make me smile and the cold damp air only leaves traces of melancholy on my face evaporating from within, showing me without, with out. Background noises from the television only irritate my soul. I need some quiet but I don't want to be alone. City noises escape me and it feels as if I am neither here nor there but stuck in between and no one's paying attention. In seclusion, it's so easy to get lost and remain there. I would stare out the window but besides being broken, the neighbor's walls are distracting me with their dull red bricks and tacky Christmas ornaments that should've been taken down weeks ago. I leave my Christmas lights around the house year round, true, but at least they're inside and in the evening the warm white lights give off a soft glow within the winter white apartment. But in the daytime, like now, not even those lights could pretend to give off its façade of warmth. Maybe those toys we bought might help me feel a little better. It did just bring a smile to my face. Now there's a real reason to get naked in this cold room. Is it vain to say that I like to look at myself in the mirror? The way the curves of my body are uneven and yet attractive. If only this womb of mine weren't hostile almost barren then I'd be able to experience what a full woman's curves would feel like. But that's okay we enjoy that to the fullest. Looking at these toys I can't figure out which one would accompany me in this steamy warm bath. But I know waterproof is created for a reason.